2018 Half Gone

I haven't blogged in forever.
I don't spend time on the PC anymore so since the beginning of this blog I have finally and truly kicked the internet and computer addiction. I use my phone to read facebook every day.
I don't exercise
I don't eat healthy
My life has moved in other directions. 

Dave and I have divorced.
I met and married Darrell.


I am very happy with where I'm at right now. 
I just don't know where to begin writing again.

My passions in life now are family, gardening, outdoors life, craft projects. 

I am in a wonderful relationship. I feel blessed and lucky. 
Darrell and I both love camping and gardening. He does more of
the actual labor while I do the appreciating haha. 

Logan spends half his time here and half at his dads.
He chose this custody arrangement and he is a thriving preteen now.
He chose to do a one week rotation. Occasionally we will stray and 
do two weeks but he really prefers the one week switch off. 

We are homeschooling him now and he is very successful. Though I
really want to expand his social interactions. I just don't know people
his age and when we meet there just isn't that special friendship vibe 
created. I so want him to have at least one valuable friendship. He and
Jesse are good friends but we don't see enough of him to have it be a 
nurturing relationship. I will work on that some more this summer.

On to projects. 

I crochet Darrell and I a blanket using dark autumn colors.
I love it but it's a bit heavy and I get too hot to use it for sleeping.


I cross stitched Alex a tree of life shroud for his ashes. A lot of tears went into that project but it came out nicely. I want to cross stitch his tattoo creation but just haven't had the heart to finish putting it together yet. It's just so hard to project in memory of my son. Makes me cry just to write down the intentions.

I started to crochet another blanket for Darrell and I using greens and browns in a chevron pattern. It's pretty but not a summer project.

My newest project is weaving using plastic bags. This is proving
to be real fun for me. 









I also started a business with my 
sister-in-law..CarDOGans. 
It's crocheting doggy sweaters and accessories.

Darrell and I also started a business. We mow and take care of lawns and gardens for others. 

Alex memorial

5 day challenge

I fell completely off the wagon and once again am at square one. I didn't gain all the weight back but I eat very unhealthy and I don't exercise. That to me is square one. Deidre and I joined a little 5 day challenge to kick start some healthy habits. I'm hoping this is what I need to get me motivated again. I lost all my great forum contacts for accountability and encouragement and I think that's part of why I sort of lost steam. This group is starting quite well, of course no-one really knows one another yet so it's a get to know you phase and I hope the ice is broken enough at the end of 5 days where we can continue the group and encouragement for one another. My breakfast this morning was delicious, but I did still feel a little hungry. I had a breakfast wrap with scrambled egg, tomato, and turkey bacon. About 2.5 hours later I had my morning snack of 1/2 banana and walnuts, again not enough food to completely satisfy me but I'm not altering the meal plan. I know my portion sizes really stink right now, I eat entirely too much sugar, processed foods, and fast food. My body has to adjust as does my mind. I can't wait for lunch now though lol. I'm drinking my water to keep me from altering my eating plan this week. At the end of this 5 day plan I intend on eating how I want for 2 days then hoping to do another 5 days of healthy eating and meal planning. I've never been very good at meal planning though it may just be what I need to get me on track.

Success

We all want to read, and write, about success.
I have been feeling very good about my accomplishments lately.

First I made a breakfast casserole several days ago:
http://www.scrawnywod.com/2011/01/paleo-breakfast-casserole.html
I altered the recipe some, used different veggies but this is the basic recipe I used. I then cut the casserole into 15 squares (this makes 1 1/2 eggs each day) and I have breakfast for two weeks. I used pre-cooked bacon pieces and I'll be honest...I can't taste the bacon in it when I nuke the casserole as leftovers. To combat this concern I decided that I will re-heat on the stovetop using coconut oil to "fry" it back up. I also eat a patty of sausage with this. It is a super yummy way to start my day.

Since I started my day so well I don't want to mess it up by cheating. I went grocery shopping and went a little overboard on all the fresh veggies! I bought cauliflower, broccoli, kale, spinach, onion, avacodo, cantaloupe, garlic, and zucchini. I had green peppers and tomatoes that my husband brought home from work that a co-worker had shared from their garden. Now all these vegetables must be eaten! I realize now that it is a lot more than I should have purchased all at one time. I went into cooking mode day before yesterday.
I first decided to make some Paleo stuffed peppers, the cauliflower was purchased for this recipe to be the rice.
http://fastpaleo.com/recipe/stuffed-peppers-4/ I used this recipe, and I didn't know how to make cauliflower rice so I also used this:
http://nomnompaleo.com/post/1626071845/another-simpler-version-of-cauliflower-rice
I sort of combined the two recipes and mixed the raw grated cauliflower in with my undrained meat mixture from the stuffed peppers recipe. Now I did use high grade ground beef so didn't have a lot of fat that would have needed to be drained off. If you make it with higher fat content meat I suggest draining off most of the fat, but not all. This dinner was an absolute hit for my husband and I. Not so much for our youngest son.
The night after that dinner I made some individual meat muffins (haha my own interpretation of meatloaf made in individual muffin tins). I of course put some veggies in the meatloaf as well as some flax meal. On the side I made some sauteed kale. I got a recipe from my daughter and just omitted the egg. It was Kale, bacon, onion, coconut oil (she also adds eggs for a super great breakfast scramble).
I made hamburger patties with the last of my ground beef as I had 5 lbs to work with and didn't want to eat ground beef 5 days in a row. I now also have some leftover meatloaf in the freezer for individual quick freezer dinners.

On the exercise front I've been keeping up with my walking 4 miles at least every other day. I am an event organizer for a local walking club through meet-up and walked both Saturday and Sunday this week. I usually do my 4 miles on my treadmill with my headphones on and music blasting. I seriously can't hear anything outside my headphones when I'm walking. Or sometimes I watch some netflix while walking. I had my husband set up a shelf so I can watch my laptop. Modern day exercise lol. Though I can't type while walking so I am not multitasking right now.
I do need to step it up and re-introduce my Jillian Michaels Shred video.

The scale is moving down nicely. I'm now at 137.2lbs. I still have a ways to go to hit my 115-120lb mark. Once I get there I will see how I feel and decide where I want to remain. I do want to get my body fat content down below 20%. I'm at 31% now I think. I don't pay much attention to that part of my scale at this time because it depresses me.

I have a job interview with Biscuitville on Wed. this week. I need to find me a job that isn't a sit down desk job which puts me in contact with the public for my own emotional well being. I think I wrote before about the isolation I felt between being a nanny and my last job which was online support for an online company. The fast food aspect isn't ideal but at least it's a step into the work force. I was really hoping to get a job at the YMCA but I haven't gotten any call back into that one. I'm excited about this interview because this place does not have a dinner menu. I would be out of work by 3pm every day. This is a big reason I applied for that company.

Diet

As promised this entry is all about diet. I will preface this by saying that the term diet simply stands for how and what we eat. I do not go on "diets" which in that instance means, depriving oneself of the foods they love simply for the purpose of losing weight. It is a well known fact that those people who do go on "diets" do gain their weight back.

Yes, I did gain my weight back and for me it was simply giving up my healthy eating plan for the "Standard American Diet" SAD for short. I do know that the SAD is not an ideal way of eating though old habits are dying hard for me.
I have done a lot of research on different ways of eating to sustain ones self and have tried out many of these diets. I have tried Low Carb in an unhealthy Atkins way. Let me say that Atkins diet if followed properly can be very VERY healthy. I personally, (and I know many other people do the same thing I did) simply concentrated on carbohydrates. I did not concentrate on "net carbs" as discussed in the books and I didn't concentrate on nutrition. If it didn't have carbs in it then I felt it was ok to eat, if it did have carbs in it then I did not eat it. This included fruit and veggies. At the start of my weight loss journey I was not at all concerned about nutrition. I bought the Atkins book and I lost all my weight I needed to lose, and I lost it quickly!!

I of course put that weight back on and then went back onto the weight loss journey though this time I did have knowledge of nutrition. I did a lot of reading trying to find the ideal diet for optimal nutrition and weight loss. I explored the RAW diet. This diet is eating all raw fruits, veggies, and seeds. It was amazing but too difficult for me to sustain. I knew it was not the ideal diet for me. I took another look at low carb and have seen some amazing articles about how this eating style can actually reduce disease. They are on to something. I compared South Beach to Atkins and found that they both are very similar. They both do try to concentrate on the importance of vegetables in ones diet. Though both of these diet trends rely a lot on processed foods.

I currently feel that a clean eating diet is what is correct for me and my family. I am still trying to work my way away from processed foods because they are so convenient, addictive, and I don't like to cook. I definitely eat simple.
As I mentioned in my last post I'm currently eating mostly paleo which is simply meats, fruits, veggies, seeds. I do allow some dairy and some grains so I am not 100% die hard paleo.
Many vegans are also clean eaters. They simply eat fruits, veggies, seeds, grains. Both of these camps have "proof" that their eating style is the healthiest. I do not know the true answer of what is healthiest, all I know is that paleo fits mostly with my families lifestyle. My husband loves his bread and grains and would never give those up. He also loves his meat and would never give that up, so he won't fit 100% in either the paleo or the vegan camp. I have decided that even people like my husband can live a healthy life by eating clean. No I'm not making his bread for him and he is eating that processed but that is a trade off I'm willing to live with. If he insists on eating bread it is his concern but I will feed him his main meal of the day as a healthy option. We are both currently losing weight.

The importance of fruit and veggies. The color of the natural foods we eat (fruits and veggies) tells a lot about that food nutritionally. If you don't want to study nutrition in depth like me, just suffice it to say that all the different colors represent different vitamins and minerals. If you eat a lot of color then you are getting a variety of nutrients. I do have fun reading about superfoods such as blueberries, spinach, broccoli, avocodo, kale, chia seed, flax seed, grapefruit, etc. It is really fun to learn the foods that pack the most punch nutritionally. And when I get the munchies it's much better to read about nutrition and superfoods than it is to raid the refrigerator!
WATER: So many people neglect water in their diets. I suggest water to be the first part of change in ones eating lifestyle. Be sure that you drink 1/2 of your weight in pounds in ounces. I know that sentence can be confusing for some so I will break it down to simpler terms. Say you weigh 200lbs, this is an easy number to work with. You will need to drink 100 oz of water. It is best to drink it only as water or with only natural additives such as a lemon slice, lime wedges, strawberries, kiwi, mint leaves etc. I do not suggest buying any sort of additive powders. It is best to keep your water unprocessed too. I can not weigh in on the coffee and tea debates for weight loss. I can say that there are many many many sources stating you should stay away from caffeine. I think there probably is something to their research. I was never a heavy coffee or tea drinker and everyone knows soda is no good for you whether it is diet or regular. I used to drink soda in my previous lifestyle. Fruit juices are just liquid sugar, I don't suggest buying them either and if you have small children, or even older children I suggest you don't get them started on the juice track. Juice is not as good for you as public propaganda wants you to believe.

Keep it simple. If it comes in a box it's processed. When grocery shopping you do not need to go into any of the aisles for food if you are eating clean.
My typical diet for a day is as follows.
Breakfast: eggs, sausage, onion, green pepper all scrambled together
Lunch: romaine lettuce salad with raw spinach and any raw vegetable/fruit I have handy such as carrots, cuccumber, tomato, zucchini, summer squash, raisins, blueberries, apple, nuts, flax seed powder. Dressing is often olive oil and raw apple cider vinegar mixed with crushed fresh garlic.
Dinner: grilled chicken and choice of vegetable, my favorites being roasted zucchini, broccoli, sweet potatoes.

AGAIN

It's been forever.....AGAIN I'm tired of starting AGAIN. But here I am today AGAIN. Back on a healthy eating plan and starting exercise because I fell off on my previous attempt. I topped out at 144lbs this time around, I am currently at 138lbs simply by re-introducing healthy diet and exercise back into my daily routine.
I'm actively working towards paleo. Paleo is a way of eating that dates back to the paleolithic era. Remember when cavemen roamed the earth we all have that visual. Anyways it's simple clean eating. No processed foods, no dairy and no grains. It's much easier to list the no's than it is to list what's good. I'm not being real strict. I do allow butter and some cheese, I also allow some grains such as occasional oatmeal or an occasional piece of home made cake. It's not ideal but I do live in today's world and I do have room for improvement....a lot....sooooo I am picking my battles. I can't afford organic produce or meat but I am doing the next best thing at this point. Yes I'm eating normal grocery store meat and produce but it isn't already all prepared for me. Yes I do buy frozen as I do have a budget to stay in. Just because I can't do some things doesn't mean that I can't start somewhere. I can give up the poptarts and loaves of bread.

I've decided I do still want to run a 1/2 marathon. I think that would be an awesome accomplishment. I have not run in I don't remember how long. I could probably look back on my posts on this blog to figure it out. I'll say probably about 2 years at least. It is a goal I'm working towards in line with total body fitness. I also worry about the effects of running on my joints which is part of why I have topped my goal at a 1/2 marathon. I have thought of getting involved in water fitness. As Logan gets more involved in swimming I think it would be great for me to also get more involved in the water and we always hear great things about how water is a good buffer to prevent injury. I don't really care for swimming for fun but I may get into it for fitness. Not only swimming but other water fitness activities as well.

I'm still on my way for self improvement in all fronts. I did lose my way and have suffered depression and neglected relationships. I'm working my way out of this tendency. I didn't recognize it this last time around until my husband lost patience with me and kicked me back into gear. I can thank him for this wake up though it was painful. I'm putting more emphasis on my marriage, family, and friendships as they are all important to me and deserve my attention. I sometimes get engrossed in my own thought. I don't know what I'm thinking most of the time or dreaming, it's sort of a limbo of wanting to be by myself to do nothing. That is not productive and I can't allow myself to stay in that place too long. This part of my personality needs balance because once I spend too much time in my alone place I neglect everything and everyone around me.

I'm happy with my spiritual self. I love to listen to contemporary christian music especially while I'm walking on my treadmill. I can blast the music, praise, and lose myself in motion. I find it very cleansing. I go to church occasionally and have a lot of fun visiting new churches. Not sure if I want a "home" church or if I want to keep that part of my gypsy spirit alive.

I really need to find fulfilling work. I have worked at home from 2011 and have learned that I need to get back out into the world. Yes I was paid very well and I made some great online friends. This said, my last job completely derailed my computer and online addiction. I spent entirely too much time with my nose buried in my computer. I think working outside the home may provide more personal balance for me. I don't care what I do for the most part. I applied for a very part time job at the YMCA and think it would really fit great with my life goals. I really hope I get that or anything at this point that will get me out of the house, making a little extra money, and hopefully helping people in a positive way. I used to love working fast food but the biggest problem with that is not the low pay or the low public opinion of such a job but ...well it's fast food, I don't want to encourage others to put junk in their bodies when I don't want to put the junk in my own body.

These paragraphs above outline my goals for today and my future, diet, fitness, relationships, spirit, and career. I will delve deeper into these subjects over the coming posts starting with diet, how I'm doing, where my weight is, what I'm eating, what I want to try, my whole philosophy on diet.

2013

I continue on this journey that I pretty much left for the past year except when Deidre was here over the summer. I don't like myself again and now need to get back to a good place. I weigh more than I did when I first started this blog. Three days ago I started doing Leslie Sansones walk away the pounds again and eating a healthy breakfast. Plan to keep that up for at least a week before I think to add anything else. I'm also working on increasing my water consumption again. This one really isn't hard as long as I make myself stay away from sodas. My online ventures for income have taken a drastic hit in the past few months. The program I work for quit working properly THEN payroll also took a nosedive. I'm currently on strike until my payroll is current but don't think I'll be returning. They aren't paying payroll anyways so I don't have to worry about the return yet. Another program took a hit and now they only allow bank wire transfers and they are very expensive, plus I have to withdraw $200 at a time now and my account isn't that big. Another program is working very well and I'm excited over it. I start withdrawing regularly soon. My online job did allow me to get a nice wardrobe. Though now I'm gaining weight too fast to be able to wear most of it comfortably. I'm looking into another company that has a very good reputation and I love the idea of their products. I start using the products myself this month and learning how to work the program. I will be updating this as I progress. For now I'm just excited to start using the products which are green and non-toxic and supposed to be excellent. I've only heard rave reviews.

Ultimate Reset Wk 1

I have completed week 1 of the Beachbody Ultimate Reset. I don't really have a lot to say. I liked most of the foods we ate. We had only 2 meals with meat and the rest were mostly vegitarian with some organic plain yogurt and eggs. I am not a big fan of seaweed and If I'm going to eat it I need it as a dry something, NOT slimy gooey salty wetness. I lost 3 lbs this first week or there abouts. Of course weight fluctuates each day and I wasn't regularly weighing previous to the reset so I didn't get an "average weight" for what I truly weighed. I'll take the 3 lbs for now :) I've been tired a lot. Sort of achy but not in pain. I don't know if these physical changes are from the reset or from my grand daughter being here and not being able to sleep in the mornings. I just feel really foggy today and have felt this way a lot during the first week. I'm not at all hungry and have to make myself eat yesterday and today. I LOVED my fruit breakfast today but was full after eating only about 2 cups (reset called for 3 cups). I've been washing dishes and Deidre's been preparing food nonstop. So glad we have each other for doing this. The alcalanize (or however it's spelled) was horrible in the first week. We had to take it only once a day so doable. The Detox we take now is 3x's a day and I think it's OK though Deidre had problems with the grainy texture. Think old school metamucil lol. It just doesn't dissolve and at the end you are drinking pure chalky stuffs. Here's to Week 2 coming up!!!

Ultimate Reset

I will be starting the Ultimate Reset with Deidre tomorrow. What is the Ultimate Reset? It is a detox/cleanse/supercharged 21 day program by Beachbody. It consists of 3 weeks planned eating where you do not go hungry, you stay very healthy, and you reset your bodies natural mechanisms and metabolism. I'm excited. I'm so glad Deidre is here to help me with this because I know it will be easier for me to stick to the strict eating/supplements plan with her help. My goals: This is a starting point for me. I plan on KEEPING a clean eating diet after this is completed. I'm leaning towards a mostly paleo diet with some grains and beans for my family. I will be starting an exercise program shortly after this reset ends. I will walk through it and continue WATP for a week or so then start the Les Mills Pump program strong. I want to rebuild my love of fitness. I have not been able to get myself on track for over a year now and it is time. I am hoping to get my work hours stable so I can create a personal schedule that helps promote my personal wholesomeness. Spiritually: I hope to be able to continue my small group bible study course. Socially: I hope to be able to restart my meet-up walks and continue my weekly walks/activities with Kimberly. Here's to my start.... My Ultimate Reset!!

Conscious Choices

I'm back and starting to blog once again to help me stay motivated and on track.
I had gained back every single pound I lost. Yep, every last one moved back in on my waistline and I let it.

I want to eat healthy, make healthy choices which means not eat junk. We all know what junk is. I don't even have to define that. Now I need to break down this goal. It's just too big for me to focus on all at once. How to put it into baby steps for myself, I find this very challenging.

Today I decided to make it conscious choices.
I knew that pop tart this morning was a bad choice and remembered the taste really isn't all that great. Soooooo, why did I want it anyways?
I really felt empowered as I did NOT eat that pop tart but opted for the almonds in the fridge instead, just as easy to grab so I took that excuse away from myself. Taste quality is about the same since the almonds are stale (Won't buy from the bulk bin in that Harris Teeter again), yet so much healthier. I should have had fruit too but hey, at least my good choice overcame the bad on breakfast.

Lunch was my next food challenge. I wasn't even looking to eat, had to get Parker out of the pantry and there were the peanutbutter cookies. I grabbed two and thoroughly enjoyed them. I wanted more!! I wanted them ALL!!!! I realized I was hungry and went to the fridge instead and made my turkey and cheese slathered in hummus wrapped in a romaine lettuce leaf, then I made a second "sandwich" as I was still hungry. Then I still didn't feel satisfied and was a bit pouty wanting those cookies. I made myself drink water then work out. IT WORKED!! Cookie craving overcome.

Night time snacking on sugar stuff is my biggest challenge yet. Tonights plan is to make me a fruit smoothie instead and freeze Logans candy cause I don't want to eat frozen candy. It feels good to have a plan. It feels good to feel empowered by my good choices. I need to remember this feeling in moments of weakness.