Tuesday, November 23, 2010

heading downward

Yep I've been on a downward spiral lately. By lately, I mean over the past several months.
I've gained back some weight where I'm back at an average of 118 lbs
I've been on an emotional roller coaster with more dips than climbs.
I'm now back to square one and working on "ME" because me is all I have that I can rely on and I don't want to be disappointed by that person I see in the mirror. I am at this point disappointed in myself.
My sugar addiction that I fought so hard to break is back, which means I must break it again. Holiday time is upon us and it is the hardest time in the world to try to break that addiction. I'm going to work on that though.
I have two current goals. Keep myself exercising and don't eat a lot of sugar items.
I'm happy that I haven't picked up soda again. I still love to drink my water so I haven't gone completely backwards. I still get my sleep but with my marriage being rocky and trying real hard to make time for "couple time" it's real hard not to sacrafice the sleep. Last night I was up til midnight. I'm never up that late anymore!!! I had to take a nap this morning just to feel like I can function. Now I need to exercise.

I hate my weight training. I really try to love it but I just can't. I hate doing it though I do feel a great sense of accomplishment when done.
My current plan of action: Jackie Warner save me!!!! I tried to get back into CLX (Chalean Extreme) last week and made myself do it every day except the last. I can't do it this week so I'll be starting Jackie Warners one on one video for the week. After this week I'll re-evaluate. I might just have Dave show me how to use his universal gym thingy. I think he'd like that, but me being so little and him being so much larger than I, I just don't see how the machine can be set up where we can both use it comfortably.
I have no problem with cardio. My biggest problem is all I want to do is run but I can't do that on consecutive days or I get completely worn out.
I'm going to take out one of my WATP videos and my Jackie Warner and make myself do them. Jackie Warner is only 15 or 20 min's and WATP can be as little as 20 min's. I can fit in 40 min's. Time isn't my issue, though boredom does become an issue.
I hate my job. I have been concentrating all my spare time in job hunting and it is just no fun and frustrating. I sooooo want a new job to come through. I pray about this on a daily basis because I do want to be happy in my work. I think my unhappiness in my work is spilling over into my personal life and that is just no good, no good at all. Dear God please let me get a job that I can at least tolerate!! OK post done for today.